Making the Impossible Possible

Real estate is a tricky business. You see, buyers want everything. I don’t blame them. The thing is that they don’t want to pay for everything. Like I said, tricky… but not, as it turns out, impossible. What you need is a neighborhood expert who’s in the know. What follows is a mostly true summary of a conversation I had with a recent apartment hunter who was looking for the impossible.

Client: I’m looking for an apartment in the West Village.

Me: You’re in luck. I’m RealDirect’s downtown specialist. What kind of apartment?

Client: One bedroom. An affordable one.

Me: Shouldn’t be a problem. There are lots of affordable one bedrooms available in the West Village. May I suggest—?

Client: (interrupting) Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before. And now you want to show me some 6th floor walk-up. Look at me. (Points to his belly) Do I look like the kind of guy that wants to deal with that?

Me: (attempting not to look at belly) The building I have in mind has two elevators.

Client: Okay, but you need to know I have a ridgeback.

Me: (aghast) I’m so sorry. But, you know, isn’t that treatable?

Client: (looking confused) Wha? No! It’s not a medical condition; it’s a breed of dog!

Me: (relieved) Ohhhhh! I mean, of course it’s a dog. Well then. No problem. Pets are allowed in the building, and there’s even a doorman if you need someone to accept your pet food delivery.

Client: Spike only eats steaks.

Me: Really? Is that healthy?

Client: Vet says it’s fine, so long as he gets exercise; that’s why I need my apartment to be near a park.

Me: It’s west of Washington Street. You’ll be one block away from Riverside Park. That close enough?

Client: Should be.

Me: If it’s not, the building has a courtyard.

Client: (stroking beard) Hmmm. Sounds pretty good. My only concern is that I might have to be out of the country for prolonged periods of time. I’ve recently invested in a Tasmanian wallaby farm, and you never know when business calls. What if I have to rent it out?

Me: This co-op is one of the most lenient boards for renting I’ve ever seen—there are no rental restrictions at all.

Client: Good. Now what about the financial condition of the building? If there’s one thing I’ve learned from investing in Tasmanian wallaby farms, it’s to make sure to do your due diligence!

Me: The financials look strong when you dig into the statements. The building’s mortgage will be paid of in 2014. That’s going to free up plenty of cash flow.

Client: (suspicious) Say… how do you know so much about this building?

Me: I own a unit. Plus I have a few listings in contract there right now, as well as three apartments available for rent, so I can answer virtually any question you have.

Client: Wow, that’s great… but we still have a problem.

Me: Still?

Client: My budget is $500,000.

Me: How about a newly renovated junior one-bedroom for $480,000?

And that’s how the impossible—or, at least, the improbable—was made possible. Would you like to see what’s available in this fantastic building in the heart of the west village? Give me a call today! 917.414.8240

image via wwarby

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